St. Patrick set to reintroduce snakes to Ireland



The ghost of St. Patrick has returned to Ireland ahead of this years St. Patrick’s day festivities, and he is not happy.

St. Patrick’s day was once considered one of the holiest days on the Irish calendar, so much so that the people of Ireland were banned from drinking on this sacred day. This law was however repealed in the 1970s, and since then St. Patricks day has become a global piss up.

When contacted for a comment the saint had this to say:

St. Patrick
St. Patrick is not impressed

“Did you people think I would like this? Everyone falling around the place pissed, parades and tacky green shite everywhere? No, this will not do. I don’t even like the colour green! As punishment I am going to reintroduce snakes to Ireland, and these snakes won’t be the tiny little feckers that I banished before, oh no – I’m bringing back big angry ones! You pass out drunk and you may just wake up halfway through the digestive tract of a writhing, three hundred pound serpent!”

He also had some choice words to say about Enda Kenny, the leader of the country’s majority party, though we cannot repeat them here.