Youtube issues warning over killer video


Killer kitten

Youtube has today issued a warning to all users about a video that reportedly kills anyone who watches it.

Like many others, the video begins with a kitten. In what is thought to be the cutest thing ever uploaded to the internet the kitten scares itself with a sneeze. Several prominent paratech investigators have suggested that it is this cuteness that is responsible for the devastating effectiveness of the video.

“Once a user begins watching they cannot stop. The cuteness is hypnotic, the only people that have any chance of surviving are the few heartless bastards that can resist a kitten,” says Norman Fields, Professor of Paranormal Technology at the University of London.

Once a user has been lured in with the cute kitten the content of the video quickly changes and their screen is bombarded with an array of subliminal imagery. Pictures of various internet memes, candid celebrity photos and Donald Trump, to name just a few, begin to flash all over the screen in strobe like fashion. The onslaught liquefies the viewers brain within seconds, leaving their lifeless body slumped over the keyboard.

Other videos, seemingly published by the same group but under different names, appear to be test runs for this new form of cyber assault. Notably, a video entitled “19 pugs that look like Channing Tatum <3 <3 <3” was responsible for over sixty reported events of prolonged exposure, many resulting in death.

One thing every instance of the killer video has in common is that the title is designed to feed off peoples emotions. The following is a list of recently uploaded videos that should be avoided at all costs:

  • OMG just look at this kitten sneezing!!!!!! You won’t believe what he does next!
  • Shocking New Wardrobe Craze, FEMINAZIS hate it!!! (Half Life 3 announced)
  • SEGA announce NEW PC KILLER CONSOLE!!! (feat. Channing Tatum)
  • Atheist SCHOOLS TURBO CHRISTIAN on ethics! Trump exposed in the process
  • Top 10 NSFW celebrity fashion blunders that will blow your mind
  • Can you handle the latest CRAZY INTERNET CHALLENGE?

Youtube has recommended avoiding the ‘trending’ section of the website while they try and stem the spread of these nefarious videos.