British Prime Minister Theresa May has again denied using the ghosts of former MI6 agents as domestic spies. The statement comes as evidence to the contrary continues to mount.
The first indication of this nation wide surveillance operation came as psychic mediums up and down the country began to notice a significant increase in paranormal activity.
One ghost hunter had this to say:
‘We set up a camera in this one guy’s house, and sure enough in the middle of the night his computer just turned on. Next thing you know, this invisible entity is going through my client’s emails! The camera in the bedroom also caught activity around his mobile phone, the spirit was no doubt reading his messages.’
Similar reports have been flooding various psychic forums and hotlines. One particularly distraught teenage girl says that a WhatsApp message she received from a boy had been marked as ‘read’ despite her never actually opening it. ‘Now he’s going to think I saw the message and I’ll have to write back!’ she says, visibly upset by the situation.
The most damning piece of evidence comes from an amateur photographer, who caught a snap of a ghostly apparition whispering something in the Prime Minister’s ear at a recent press conference.
The home office has dismissed the claim as ‘ridiculous’.
‘The picture simply shows a random, frustrated ghost harassing her,’ says Secretary of State Amber Rudd, ‘Anyone in power will tell you, it comes with the job. What is really ridiculous is the idea of an organized network of ghosts routinely spying on the public when they are at their most vulnerable and unguarded, noting every deviation from accepted societal norms and every subversive Facebook article that you’ve liked and shared. Pretty scary right? But as I said, these claims are completely unfounded and we will not be answering any more questions on the subject.’