Donald Trump won the US presidential election early this morning in a stunning victory that sent shock-waves around the world.
Probably the biggest shock came to the Clinton campaign, which is backed entirely by the established group of Reptilian policymakers who quasi-secretly rule the world.
The insular Reptilian cabal are known to run a series of covert networks that manipulate global politics, media, and banking. Up until now they have enjoyed near-total domination over all nations. An arrangement which many consider largely acceptable when compared to the alternative: a loose collection of competing, human-run regimes.
This global influence meant that the group did not entertain the idea that they could lose to, as they put it, “a simple ape”.
After the results today, however, things are looking very uncertain for the serpent race.
One Clinton campaign advisor was distraught. “This is a disaster. We’ve worked so hard for so long. Centuries! Literal centuries!”
He continued his tirade seemingly indifferent to the fact that his cloaking device had failed, revealing his true form.
“How could this happen!? I mean, we are the invisible hand that guides all human development. Were we really too foolish to think you would trust one of your own females?”
The newly elected Donald Trump has pledged to be a president “for all Americans”, though in the past he has been outspoken against any group of undocumented humanoids who reside within the United States. “Be they Mexican, or Arab, or shape-shifting lizard men, they gotta [sic] go” Trump famously stated at a campaign rally earlier in the year.
Outspoken Reptilian power couple Beyoncé and Jay Z could not be reached for comment.